my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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