Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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