You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
