On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize