we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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I need you to use more vowels.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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