Where did you get a picture of my penis
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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