girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
