names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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