Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
