I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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