okay pat passed out under dana's car
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just invented taco cereal.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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