Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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