I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
