I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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