well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
