Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
smell my finger.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
