My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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