If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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