Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
