So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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