i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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