i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
