I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
