Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't deserve a penis
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
