I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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