it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
