Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
