dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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