i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
