Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
