Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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