"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
