I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
me + whiskey = a bad person
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
