Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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