I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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