I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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