Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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