I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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