all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
