I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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