Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
