I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
