Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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