Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
