WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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