I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
