is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
