Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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