well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
