i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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