I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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