If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
