Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
