dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
