I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
