I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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