I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
