ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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