whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
