last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
