My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
