omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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