i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
