Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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