i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You don't make any sense
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