Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
