At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
