I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
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It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
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She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
try to milk me bitch
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