Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
