seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
