I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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