Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My breasts were aching with rage.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
