so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
