Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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