You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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