Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
