Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
