True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
