butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
