did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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