Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
