i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
