saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
